Life is but a dream

Just over 10 years ago I was in a relationship that I wasn’t sure about. I had a job that was helping me pay the bills but no real prospects for career development. I had a group of friends that I had known for many years, an out going bunch who I may mention in future posts. (For the sake of respecting their privacy, I won't mention their names or I might opt for a fake one if a name is needed) My relationship with my family was in a good place. I was close to family members in the UK but didn’t have much of a relationship with family in the US….we greeted each other when it came to holidays and birthdays if Facebook alerted us but nothing more than that.

One night, after a long day at the office, I was on a red double decker bus in London, UK making my way back to home in Chelsea from Mayfair and a woman was singing to her baby ‘row, row row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream’ I caught myself joining her but she continued to whisper ‘life is but a dream sweet heart and and I pray your dreams come true’ while her baby drifted off to sleep during peak traffic time. Witnessing that moment brought a soft smile to my face and a question in my mind ‘what’s my dream?’ Like most questions that brought me to self reflect I didn’t spend too much time on finding the answer, instead, I just went with the flow and followed what felt right to me. Music was (and still is) my constant sidekick that helped me escape the thought ‘I’m not where I want to be but I’m not sure of what I want either’ I used to fear disappointing myself so a lot of the time i wouldn’t even try something new or if I did I wouldn’t tell anyone in fear their opinion would stop me from going any further. Yes, the tiniest negative comment would throw me off and send me back to my corner where it was safe and I wouldn’t try harder or again. The Mums comment to her baby sat in my mind for the rest of the bus ride home ‘life is but a dream and dreams don’t necessarily last long’

If my life at the time was indeed a dream I was playing it safe. I was letting things happen around me and accepting them as they were vs. making any sort of change or contribution in fear of rocking the boat causing it to sink. The only thing I could change and felt comfortable changing was my job. So, after the sweet lullaby experience, I went home and thought of what I wanted in my next role and I kept it very simple and pretty broad so there was room for different opportunities to explore and little room to disappointment myself

‘I want a job where I get on with well with the team, be mentored and developed and where they care about their people inside and outside of work’

Instead of focusing on something tangible and materialistic, I focused on how I wanted to feel. Getting on well with the team would make me feel included, being mentored and developed would make me feel valued, engaged and ambitious and the company caring about their people inside and outside of work would make me feel…well, cared for.

I planted that seed and oh how that grew into something I don’t think I could have even dreamed of or allowed myself to dream of.

So dream and if you don’t know what you want to aim for then I suggest starting with how you want to feel. Write it down, make a vision board, a list, journal about it, say it out loud to someone you know you can trust and go for it. Have issues sticking to it, get an accountability partner! One thing I will say that I wish someone told me, move forward knowing that there will be challenges/waves but have faith that you can get through it and the experience will help you grow. You’ll learn something new or confirm something you already did. Whatever happens, don’t stay still and just float along leaving it up to all the external factors to guide you, grab the oars and keep rowing!

I believe in you.